CRY OUT!!

"Perhaps it was because to a certain degree he now understood what they were feeling. They were hurting, yes, and dying, pulled steadily downwards by despair, but they were crying out because they knew they would be heard; they were reaching desperately for hope because they knew it was there. They knew. As much as they would argue against it and deny it in the light of day and in the clatter and diversion of their social circles, in their souls they still knew." The Prophet by Frank E. Peretti

My mood through lyrics...

Matt Wertz
Sweetness In Starlight


Fallin' asleep
To the sound of stars
Shooting 'round the moon
But I can't watch them fly tonight, baby
I'm too busy watchin' you.
I guess your smile is the sun's way
Of lighting up what's dark
So shine, shine, shine for me baby
It only takes a spark

Sweetness in starlight
Sweetness 'til the day sighs
Sweetness in starlight
Sweetness 'til the sun rise

And there's nothing under these bright stars
That could bring this night to ruin
So hold on tightly to me baby
Because tonight's gonna end too soon
And you're touch is potent medicine
Knocks me out with just one shot
I've never seen such strong elixir, baby
Fixes all that I'm not
You fix all that I'm not, yeah.

Sweetness in starlight
Sweetness 'til the day sighs
Sweetness in starlight
Sweetness 'til the sun rise

I'm holding so tightly, baby
I won't let you go.

Comin' back before she does

A week and a half and I shall not live in Greeley for over a year. Is that amazing or what? I should hope so. I will be moving to my parents house in Aurora for the next four months and then moving my little self to Tours, France.

There it is. Such a cute place. I'm really excited to explore it and find it's quirks. I've been really thinking about how I'm going to change and how everyone else is goin to change. I'm somewhat worried that I'll change friends again once I get back and will only have a semester with everyone before I have to move on to grad school? another excursion? perhaps grow-up and get a job? I don't really know obviously what is after this thing called college. I have been thinking about going to seminary...Maybe i could do the real life job thing while taking a few classes here and there, but I'm not even sure what kind of job I can get, especially with a French BA and Political Science minor, but I guess they are just looking for people who have degrees now adays, so what the heck. I'll just have to wait and see what's going to happen.

Why do you believe what you believe? Can you stand up for yourself?

Where I am

Lonely Tonight
by Matt Wertz
album: Somedays (2001)


Sixth and Green is the one place in November
When the air is cold and the leaves blow on the ground
And I don't think that I can even remember
Why it was that I came to this town

'Cause I just wanna be lonely tonight
Just me and my maker in this cold moon light
yeah yeah, oh yeah, alright

This is me on the eve of an ending
To what i've known as constant for a year
I'm so scared this pain that I will be sending
Sometimes I just wanna run away in fear

'Cause I just wanna be lonely tonight
Just me and my maker in this cold moon light
yeah yeah oh yeah alright

I haven't heard your voice in two weeks now
Anticipations been wearing me thin
And I just can't help but wonderin baby if somehow
We can tear these pages out and begin again

'Cause I just wanna be lonely tonight
Just me and my maker in this cold moon light
Yeah I just wanna be lonely tonight
With no one around to see this sight
Of me lying here mmm yeah

'Cause this is the hardest thing i've ever done before
I said this is the hardest thing i've ever done before
I said this is the hardest thing i've ever done before
And I don't wanna be lonely
No, I don't wanna be lonely no more
And I won't be lonely tonight
'Cause my makers holding me

I long for you.

I haven't posted in a really long time and I think it affects my outlook on life and my ability to vent. So here's a brief synopsis of the last couple of weeks.

Saturday March 31- Jere Wayne Ivy (my cousin) died in a car accident...killing the other drive and putting the other driver's wife in the hospital. My family decided to drive out there for the funeral, and I saw my uncle for the first time that I can remember. I saw my cousin's baby Alec who is soo adorable and such a good baby, 7th months old and without a daddy. In the process I missed about a week of school and was really behind.

For whatever reason I feel like death follows me around waiting for the most opportune time to take another one of my family members. A couple of weeks before that the church I went to was having a funeral for one of it's family's son. That same day another lady came in and was weepy and explained that her son had died right before Christmas and that she had no use for the photo paper and wanted to return it. I had a feeling God was preparing me for something. I talked about it with a few people and now I think they agree with me.

Roomie broke up with her boyfriend last night and has been crying a lot. I'm really lost as to how to support her and what she needs. It breaks my heart to see her that way. I think that is why I push away any and all guys whom I think have an interest in me, kinda like my neighbor. Not that dating my neighbor would have been a good idea, but still is a great example. I'm lonely with you roomie.

Four weeks until the end of the semester. Then I'm home for May, June, July, and August. I'm trying to find a job. I applied to be a coach for kids 4-14. How fun would that be. Plus I'd get to be out in the sun and I'm hoping that it pays decently and that maybe I can work at Office Depot part time too. I know God will provide like he did last year with the support raising. It is going to be difficult to live with my parents again for 4 months. I won't be paying rent and I won't have to pay for a lot of my food so I should save a lot of money.

Prayer requests for anyone who reads: finding a job, finishing out the semester, figuring out my heart.
thanks god bless

Random Drive

Random elk we saw in Estes the other night. It was pretty sweet because they were walking right by the car. I'm glad they didn't get mad and start to charge it though.

on a more positive note

This is a list of things that are positive in my life-
Work: they are give me hours and I'm making money
School: classes aren't too hard
House: only there limited amount of time. I have food to eat and bed to sleep in a very nice bed.
Roommate-never really home we don't talk much
Friends-building relationships with new people. girls at that!
family-no problems that i know of. seeing them this weekend
car- it runs
no boy drama
i don't have IR on friday
I saw a friend from middle school tonight while working
i bought a cute lamp at work.
jesus loves me
meh i am really struggling to be positive and this didn't really help much. :(

Over a month

It's been over a month since school started. I haven't gone home in a long time. I like living in my own apartment. Sometimes cooking for myself gets to be old, but at least I can eat whatever I want. I'm working between 2-30 hours a week at Office Depot and Kidz Night Out. I am taking 14 hours this semester. French 414, French 301, Human Geog, Macro, and into to international relations. It's cool, but somewhat boring. I work Sunday's so I don't get to go to church anymore. I go to Bible studies on Monday nights. God has blessed me with a wonderful group of girls. Satan has been relentless, but God's been winning for the most part. Not much time to really go into detail...

Normal life

So here it is...normal life. Back to reality where there's this sense of mondane scheduling and a huge to do list. I got a job this week....Office Depot, working evenings 5-10 probably 20 hours a week. Not bad. I might cut back though. I want to have a social life to and just kinda get to know my friends for real this semester. I think I'm going to talk to my new manager about letting me have a friday/saturday night off once a week so that I can do this kids thing. I really want to make a difference in the community and an impact for God. I'm really excited for classes to start on Monday. Two French classes, international relations class, human geo, and macro...sounds like it's goin to be an interesting semester. I've been having amazing quiet times. God has been so gracious, but satan has been relentless in his attacks against me. I really need to get that group together to start praying and maybe we will get stronger against his attacks, but I am certain that he will only up the stakes. Especially if we are praying for the people that he owns right now. The lost on campus are one of my focuses this semester. Along with finding my group of girls. I really liked just hanging out with girls this summer and I've been longing for that relationship in the weeks I've been home. I think I want to be done telling the stories about Paris and just use what I've learned. I think I'm looking back at it too much...well here's to the next 15/16 weeks of classes. Pray for my roommate. She's a great friend and needs to find Jesus' love again.

One step closer...

My bible study was amazing this morning. I am greatly blessed by our Lord and Savoir. I've spent this apparently dreary morning watching a sad movie... Steel Magnolias followed by listening to Mercy Me and diving into my Experiencing the Heart of Jesus Bible study. Today was a look toward heaven that sent my heart to dancing. How can the thought of being one step closer to seeing Glory face to face. Will I be speechless? Or will I sing praises to the King? I will not shead a tear, for tears will be no more!! There will be no sadness, no mourning, no "good days" and "bad days." We will all be made new and be in the presence of our creator.
Here are a few verses to check out, hopefully they will encourage you as they did me.
Hebrews 12:2 Revalations 22:12 Habakkuk 3:17-18. Well those are just a few...but I pray God blesses you today.

Preparation

I'm spending a lot of time in the word and in prayer because I have nothing else to do. Perhaps I should go out and try and meet people and start building relationships with people who don't know Christ. I'll continue to pray and let God lead me. Hope all is well.

Moved in

Hey... So I have been back for almost a week now. On Wednesday I woke up at 3:30 am. It was glorious. I wash washing clothes by 5am. I went shopping with my mom to look for a comforter and ended up buying one from Kohls, it's jean/khaki. I like it a lot. I got my hair cut and then I moved up to Greeley. Got my bed in order, made the futon in the living room, and got some of my clothes put away. Thursday I went and bought groceries and job hunting...it sucked. I did like 6 applications. Then my breaks weren't really working, so my dad ended up putting some in my car. I came back had a hamburger on a nicely lit charcoal grill. It was very tasty. Friday I did some more unpacking...putting things in place...or just somewhere for the time being. My mom called and said that she got a job so I packed up some clothes and headed down to Denver. The only catch was, my breaks weren't really working again, and the light was on. Hmmm. I drove 65 miles with breaks that bearly work. It was kinda sketchy, but I did stop to buy some okra and cantelope. I was way excited. My family and I ate at Stewart Anderson's, which was very good. Friday night I just kinda hung out at the house with the family. Saturday I got up early again, but this time due to my loud barking dogs...my mom and I started looking on craigslist for a dresser and we ended up finding a garage sale, and worked our way over there...it's amazing. I painted it and all that. I did some more hanging out at the house and just relaxing. Sunday I went to church in English...wow it's wonderful to hear God's word in your own language. French is good, but I don't understand it much, so kinda difficult. I had lunch with Janell, a friend from elementary school. That was a lot of fun. We talked for a bit and then I left to go show my pictures to the other college students from church. I hung out with Britta, ate some Thai food and had some starbucks. This morning I got a call for an interview at Office Depot, so I packed up, got to greeley unloaded some stuff with the help of Jordan, and then went to the interview. I had to go do a drug test, and I totally couldn't do it. I duno what my deal was, but finally I got it and it worked out. My room is almost together minus a few things and it's quite nice to finally just be able to relax in my room. Next task is the kitchen and living room....not looking forward to it. Watch out for pics of my new place...new look and random Greeley living.

These are all my wonderful friends...Praise God!!!

Last Day

Today was my last day in Paris. I have some days inbetween travelling, but those don't really count. I slept, watched the rain, and hung out and read. Then we left to have a going away party, and it was a lot of fun. It was supposed to be a surprise, but we knew...but it was my first surprise party. I love the people here, so I will surely miss then. I have great pictures and would love to share them with anyone who hasn't seem them. Lots of stories as well. Be back in a week and a day. Looking forward to it, but it's hard to say goodbye.

new pics

hey..i added some new photos from a boat cruise we took and some of mani...you all should check them out.

MOUNTAINS!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh how I miss the mountains dearly and God knew it and he allowed me to come to dear Switzerland. I am so greatful. The view is amazing. There's the lake and then mountains all around...wonderful. Work, however, is hard. We are doing surveys and it is hard to stand outside all afternoon and only get a few people to actually do surveys. Thursday was wonderful we each made contacts and hopefully we will have meetings with them next week. Last week we had six girls living in our apartment, but one went back home this weekend...wow, so now five in the same small apartment. It's like a slumber party for a whole month. Almost dorm life, but not quite because I have my own room and I don't have to share the bathroom with as many people. I have been reading two books this week. Jesus the One and Only and Captivating wonderful books that are soothing to my soul. When I get back to the states there is so much that I must tell. One month minus a day until I am home. That is exciting and sad all the same. For the last week I might be going to Strasbourg, France to meet up with an International Student. I am really excited to be able to talk to her and get to know her in her own culture. This week we will be on the street Tuesday-Friday/Saturday for surveys and we might have visits as well. Be in prayer for us, so that we might not be discouraged. I added some photos that Marie took in her garden...it's really pretty, you might want to steal them for your computer's background. God bless...Rachelle

Latest...

Since I've been here I've read a number of books. This week I finished The Five Love Languages for Singles and Sacred Romance. They are wonderful...highly reccomended. I need to find something else to read, but I'm afraid with the OM girls moving in on Tuesday there won't be too much time to read. There will be 6 of us in our little apartment, crazy, however, Judith leaves on July 12 to go back to Germany. I will be gone this up coming weekend to Switzerland and then two weekends later Melanie will go to London. Anyway that's just the little update for what's coming up in the future. I have about 5 weeks left. Still not sure what I'll be doing the first week of August. I find out soon who my International Ambasador partner will be in two weeks so maybe I can go visit that person, whomever they will be.

Some thoughts while I have time

Well I'm serving God but it doesn't seem like I am doing much. I meet people here and there, but they aren't really interested in hearing anything that we have to say. We hand out stuff so maybe someone will watch it or read it, I hope they do. I'm halfway done and it still feels like I've just started. I'm halfway across the world with people I bearly know, but if I were home I'd be surrounded by people I know, yet wouldn't have time for. It's interesting how being further separated from the things that I held onto so dearly begin to fade. It talks about seasons and how life changes so quickly and so often depending on where we are and what we are doing...I've realized that in the past year. The friends I had in high school are really just a glimpse of the past now, but I'm excited about my new friends. The friends that I'm excited to get emails from...the ones I'm excited to see when I get back...but even then part of me will still be here. In 6 weeks I've met some amazing people here. People whose hearts' are for the lord...It's amazing. I love spending one on one time with the girls who have so much to offer and they don't realize what they are giving me...I ask them questions prodding into their lives learning why and how they got here and what God has on their hearts...its fun. I had lunch with one yesterday and we hung out for a few hours alone on wednesday..it was great. Then when the group met up with us it started to rain..only it was more like a mist and it continued the rest of the night. We went down to the latin quarter and there was some great music and a lot of people. I spent almost an hour in mcdonalds trying to buy a coke in order to go to the bathroom... as the french say...oh la la. My pants were already a little wet so I started puddle jumping as we were strolling for the Effiel tower.. its quite beautiful when it sparkles.. The friends I am with here are so full of life..not that the others aren't but it's a different kind of life...we all have the same passion, our hearts beat with the same rhythm..its a new thing for me. It's going to be hard to leave..but a relief to be home...I'm not sure.

In the midst of it all

Lately it's been fun. Doing stuff here doing stuff there. Nothing too exciting has happened since last monday and the toilet explosion thing...Never in my life have I ever experienced that before. Wow. Okay so this week...
Today: Doing some surveys hopefully meeting people
Tuesday: Surveys again meeting with some girls we met last week
Wendesday: Kids carnival music festival...woo free music all around Paris
Thursday: more surveys? maybe meet with new people or old people
Friday: surveys again? meet with people? who knows
Saturday: eating some lunch/dinner with Alex and Tyler

It's kinda all the same everyday not much change and seems to run together. I've been speaking more French and I can understand people for the most part, which is really good. I'm not going to Hungary since my friends are too busy to see...sad...looks like I'm off to somewhere else in Europe or France....Any ideas? Glorious! I'm learning how to bend and be very flexible even if it's completely backwards or all the way forwards...i hope my muscles don't tear. Email me I'm feeling slightly disconnected.

An experience of a lifetime

It started out as a normal day...Annette and Tyler came over for the usual bible study...followed by Tyler staying a bit longer to hang out to past some time until he met Jim. Melanie and I were reading on the couch when I got bored and decided to take a little nap...Melanie left to go over to the internet cafe and then it all started...I heard some strange noise, like water turned on and they were hosing something off outside my apartment but curiosity didn't stir much so I didn't get up and look because it stopped after a few minutes. Naturally after a nap you feel the urge of needing to go to the bathroom so I did...This experience, however, would not be a normal trip to the WC. Before I had finished I heard a rumble beneath my seat (no i didn't fart)...before there was time to react the toilet became proactive. If you have been to Yellowstone you know what Old Faithful is like, I had something like a first hand experience with a geyser, only my geyer was my toilet. Water was spraying everywhere and it wasn't like a normal backup...this water was out for a vengence and out to get me. When it started spraying I moved quickly to the door, opening and then shutting it while I was outside...then proceeded to pull up my pants...Yeah it happened that quickly. I was standing outside the bathroom stunned that this had occured...I then called some people to try and get help, but all I got was laughter and confused people on the other line. Jim finally called me back and said he was coming over later with a man who would help us figure out what had gone wrong....He came over and they looked and there was no explination. They decided to go over to the property manager to find out there was a sign in the hallway saying that they would be cleaning out the sewers that day... The sign needless to say is not in a spot I normally look and wouldn't have spent time reading it considering the context was quite dense in French with vocab I don't understand.. So that is my story of the exploding toilet...an experience of a lifetime....our God surely has a sense of humor.